Sacrifice...

Tomorrow my Moms celebrates 57 years of life. While I have *yet* to pick up her card or gift, I want to give her a lil something more substantive this year, any-ole-way. I'm a true scorp... I realize there are things that need to be put out there, and I probably shoulda said them a long time ago, so here's to YOU...

Mom...

Simply put, you are my (S)Hero. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. My words may not always show it, I know I'm often short and bitchy or even aloof, but that's my personal funk and nothing directed at you. If I could re-choose a parent with the benefit of retrospect, I'd always choose you. With an adult perspective, I've reflected a thousand times on the richness of the life you gave me coming up, the things you did to teach me responsibility, and how your life could've been so much easier had you chosen the road-most-travelled way back when. There was never a time I felt unwanted, unloved, or that I wasn't encouraged with the mantra that I was intelligent and gifted enough to be whom- or whatever I wanted to be in life. I'm so grateful for so many things, I really need you to know just what's in my heart. Please bear with me...

I remember a lotta stuff you told me about the persecution you and Dad experienced in the late 60's/early 70's. The police stops, the "patriotic" letter to Nana & Ern, getting suspended from your job when they found out you were pregnant and not married. You stuck with a marriage that was Hell for years. I see reunions on talk shows all the time where a young white woman gave up her mixed child for adoption, knowing they'd all be crucified by society if she kept it. Every time I see one of those reunions, I can't help but think, "There but for the Grace of God, go I." I know it had to hurt like all hell when half your family basically disowned you because of us. I'm also sure you got a lotta snide comments from a lotta ignorant people. There were so many rednecks around... But know this... I SEE THE SACRIFICE, THE LOVE, THE UNSELFISHNESS, and I'm so damn humbled by the person that you've always been. Everything of substance in my character came directly from you or your nurture. My kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, my depth, my writing ability, creativity, everything... It's all you. Every bit of it. And while I'm on it... thanks for my smile, coz that's all YOU... Thanks for my thick legs and this hair on my head, *lol*. Thanks for the cheek bones, too.

Until we came to Columbus, life was unstable and chaotic, but you pulled thru. Love was a battlefield, and freedom was your victory!!! Some stuff no one should ever have to experience, but on the flip side, I respect you to no end for not havin men runnin in and out of your life or our home. I don't know of anyone else almost 36 yrs old who can say their parents have been divorced 33 years and they've only seen Moms with 4 men their whole life. I hope a True Love finds and nestles you in the most secure and cherished way imagineable. You are so deserving and so overdue... that's one of my prayers for you. All in due season tho... I pray your heart will be ready when it comes.

As a child, there are things a parent does that just get on our nerves, but if you have any sense, you're gonna be appreciative later. A few of the things I appreciate, yet never told you:

• The gallery openings and the exposure to the Arts
• The Vietnam protest on campus that we got caught in (how many people my age can see that stuff on tv and actually remember experiencing it for themselves???)
• Encouraging me to explore my African American heritage when I didn't realize for myself how important it is
• Never pushing me away or treating me like garbage when I made glaring mistakes that would affect the rest of my life
• Always speaking to me about when I'd graduate and go to college, not if, as if college were an option instead of a given....
• Having me catching the city bus across town to school and back to the Y afterwards until you got off work when I was in 2nd/3rd grade (I realize it was necessity, but I learned to be pretty independent and not scared to go places on my own)
• All the trips to the thrift stores, coz my style is real eclectic now
• Your taste in music as I was coming up... that's another area where I'm not real limited and I'm so grateful
• All the late-nite trips to the emergency room during those years my asthma was almost takin me off this earth
• All the times you had to quit school to take care of me
• Never giving up on your goal of finishing your Bachelors... and Hot Damn if you didn't get that Masters Degree to boot!!!
• For teaching me to dress... always maximize your assets and minimize your faults!!! *laffin*
• For takin care of Muh'Dear when Dad was runnin the streets (My memories of her are few & sketchy, but I'm grateful that she was accessible to leave me with the ones I do have, *Thank You*)
• All the times you took me to the library and instilled a love of books and words
• For being an amazing grandmother all-around
• For all the times you took the boys off my hands when I felt like I was drowning
• For telling me over the years that I should go get some testing done coz you thought I had some issues... Hells Yeahhhhhhhh, I do!!! I'm workin on 'em... *lol*
• All that good organic food you raised me on, and teaching me to cook healthy with a wok
• For teaching me the value of education, altogether
• For teaching me the value of character and integrity
• For keepin me in the house when we lived in the hood and I wanted to run the streets just coz "everybody else was." I've made some dumb moves, but I've never been a chickenhead and I never will be... and jail is definitely not for me!!!
• For taking me to see Alvin Ailey's Troupe when they came to our lil town and I was too young to recognize how special that was
• For taking me with you to see Star Wars upon it's first release
• The relationships you had with Noodle & Tony... those were pretty special... I'mma bring you another one like them one of these days, *lol*
• For educating me about sex as early as I had questions and letting me try alcohol for the taste... Those were iffy decisions, but you knew your child... With sex, I started later than my crowd, and the peer pressure never phased me. You taught me it was something you wait for the right person for, and that much, I did do. I also never drank til I was over 21, just coz the curiosity wasn't there for me... Liquor, yuck!!!
• For all the beaded jewelry you made me and Mackenzie's newborn bracelet... I still have it all.
• Teaching me how to stretch a dollar
• The folk festivals we went to when I was pretty young
• Puttin up with me havin tadpoles & crawdads, *lol*
• The cards you gave me upon my 16th birthday, my 18th, graduation, and when I gave birth to Mackenzie... I still have them all, and yeahhhhhh, I still read them. The love and advice still makes me cry every time...
• All the artwork that I ever did from toddler on up that you saved, that's soooooo sweet...
• Teaching me to love plants and nature
• Teaching me that less is more
• Canoeing at Lake Vesuvius and the lily pads you brought home
• Your patience with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, coz I know I'm crazy. *lol*

I love and and appreciate you so much. The worst regret I have in life are the times we got into it when I was a teenager and I raised my hands to you. If I could live my life over, those days would've never happened. You've probably forgiven me, but lemme say it if I never did, "I am sooooooooooo sorry."

One day, wheneva I open up my own business I swear... I'mma bring you on as a consultant and all I want you to do is share your marketing acumen. Just sit on your tail end and relax!!! If it's ever in my power, you will not have to work another day in your life. I want you to get to retirement age and just enjoy the fruits of your labor... The Big 72-Hour Labor of '69!!! *lol* Doesn't matter to me if I have to sacrifice or whateva, I wanna provide for you and see you able to just chill and enjoy life without stress. Now that you have your computer, pleeeeeeease get on some career boards online and look for a better job until I can swing things for all of us. I love you with all my heart... and your time of rest is coming!!! God Bless You and *Thank You* for all your Sacrifices...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!