*Rambling*

Pleased to say that I finally went on Monster tonite and found a good 15 or more jobs to save to my file. I'll start applying tomorrow, just too tired right now. I need to lay it down soon, but it's soooo hard coz Son #2 has his weekly counseling appt. on Monday mornings, and they'll cut him from the program if I miss 3 sessions. I totally overslept and missed our very first one, so I can't afford to screw it up. Finally, found a program that's taking his issues seriously. My son tends to be very disruptive and will shut down his classrooms like it's nothin. He got expelled from 2 Head Start programs, and suspended 4x the last 2 months of kindergarden last year. They wouldn't even let him come back the last 9 days of school. So far this year, he's been pretty good, but ya never know when he's gonna go da hell off, even with his medication. He's first on the waiting list for a special school here that handles kids with behavioral disorders. It's run by a psychiatric agency, and staffed by psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors on top of the educators. At every time during the day, the kids are hands-on with a psychology professional, so no matter when/where they have a flip-out, there's a professional right there to address it and help them find more constructive ways to express their feelings. Hopefully, it'll be a blessing for him to be there coz there's plenty of times I can't handle his lil tail either. When a relationship goes bad because someone has issues that you can't deal with, you can always walk away. But what do you do when it's your child, and you love them with all your heart??? You manage the best you can and seek out all the help and support that's available.

This A.D.H.D. stuff is no joke and it runs really deep in my family. My mother and both sons have it, and I have the A.D.D., too. Thank God I'm not hyper, too. It's funny... some children grow out of it, so I hold hope that my sons will in time. My mother didn't, and me on the other hand, mine actually only started showing it's head in the last 4 years or less. I used to think my mom was crazy when she'd tell me she thought I had it too, until I read an in-depth article about it in Time or Newsweek last year. It was like looking in a mirror and a real wakeup call. I got myself tested and yeah, I have it, too. In a way it was a relief, coz I look back on a lot of projects I started without finishing, and used to get really upset with myself. Always been a perfectionist. So it took a lot of disappointment off of my shoulders to know that yesssssss... there was something else going on with me other than just being a slacker. Adult A.D.D is very different than it is in children, so who knew??

But WAIT... See how I just did that??? How I rambled off from my original thought about the jobs? THAT my friends, is typical of Adult A.D.D.... Our minds tend to jump around like crazy. *sigh... Relax, Relate, Release*




Anyhoo, I'm kind of excited coz last time I checked on Monster (bout 2 wks ago), there were no entry-level tech support positions in my area. Not that I have to do tech support, but that was the job I just lost and I actually liked it. I'm soooo addicted to the internet and computers, they're perfect platforms to keep my attention. I also dug that I could wear anything to work and it was really low-stress. My babies keep me stressed enough at home... don't need it at work, too. My neighbor called her brother-in-law and left a message that she needs him to come fix her (my) brakes, so hopefully that problem will be solved within a few days. Once I'm up and running again, I can get out and apply other places. I may even stop by human resources for the company I just left and find out whether they'd consider me for rehire. It's not as if I wasn't doing a good job there, not as if I wasn't blowin up overtime almost every day, or anything else crazy. I just couldn't get there w/o a car. The office was 20 miles each way, and several miles off the buslines. I did call off every day until I was past the point where their policy states that they require a doctor's excuse to return. Still have the reference #s for the calls, too... so maybe they'll consider. Who knows... stranger things have happened.

In the meantime, in a few hours I have to get my older one off to school, feed the younger one and get him to his counselor. I'm not prideful bout catchin buses at all, but they just make everything take entirely too long. Driving him to her would take maybe 10 minutes, even with the city traffic. Bussing it will be about 45-50 mins coz we have to xfer. The appt. will take about an hour, then we have a good hour more to get him to school... again, coz of xfers. Then I have to xfer 2 more times to get home. Good grief... Why can't I live somewhere with subways?? I swearrrrrrrrr... Whateva job I find, I hope nothing crazy happens again so I can get settled in, save up my dough, and move to Philly. Canada's a thought, too. Ohio's gotta be the other armpit of the nation, I swear. *Ugh*

And speaking of armpits, my ex keeps buggin me bout giving him a second chance. Not that he's an armpit per se, but he'd definitely an ASS. He's loudly obnoxious, unattractive, and negative. Not sure wtf I was thinkin, but I guess I got attached to the artist in him, not the overall person. Anyhoo, that's water under the bridge, but he keeps hittin me up on messenger talking about how he misses and dreams about me all the time. *ugh* Stop that!!! Get da hell over it and keep it movin... I did!!! The crazy thing about this cat is that he acts sooooooo hard... yet he can't sleep w/o his mickey mouse pillow from childhood and rocks himself back and forth to sleep. Hell, he rocks in public. I was like, WTFFFFFF??? When I asked wth all that's about, his reply: "I got bad nerves." No shittttttt.... but you HARD, huh??? *double ugh with eye rollage* I left him a really hateful, shitty message in his yahoo this evening, so hopefully he'll just drop a cuss-out in mine and negate all future thoughts of me. At least he's not here, so he can't bug me as much as he'd probably like. He's too broke to just pop up, so yanno... I'm good.

Oh yeah... there's also a House Manager position available at a domestic violence shelter here, and I really want that job. I'll type up the cover letter and get my resume in the mail for that tomorrow. Domestic violence is an issue that's close to my heart, coz my mother was trapped in a relationship like that from the time I was 5-16 years old. When I say trapped, I mean, trappppped... She actually took me and everything she could fit in our car once and drove to California to relocate. You'd think that would be enough, right? It wasn't... ole boy had hired a private investigator to find us, and he'd tracked us by my mother's credit card usage. This was before the anti-stalking laws, but truthfully... I can't see that they help much. Finally, some other chick supposedly came up pregnant by him, which magically distracted him long enough to get outta dodge without him following. That's how we ended up in Ohio. Nineteen years has been too long for me, it's past time to go. In the meantime, I'll apply for this job and pray that wherever God wants to place me, it'll be somewhere that the work of my hands can actually help people. I'll ask for something that will bless me with the means to get up out of Ohio forever, in the next year. Nothing more rewarding than that.