The Million Dollar Question

The other day I was runnin my font with this thirsty cat I know from chat, and he posed a question that's really had me thinking ever since.

What is it that you want out of Life?

It was kind of outta left field, and I didn't answer. Partly coz it's none of his business, but moreso because... My mind went totally blank. I felt like a dumbass, seriously. Even tho I'm far from one, it's been a rough year and I've been too overwhelmed just tryna keep the wheels on my life to give it much thought. Hemingway, *ghetto head nod to Eric G.*, the question has been weighing on my mind.

Like everyone else, I want to be happy. I don't need riches, fame, or attention. I want a peaceful life, with happy Son #1 and Son #2. I want them to outgrow the A.D.H.D. and have successful, prosperous and happy lives. I want to lose the other 50 lbs. this year, be a blessing, and be blessed. In time, I want to get married again, even... coz honestly, I've technically been married, but I never had a real marriage... so I don't feel like I ever experienced it. I want to travel and have good times with friends in other places.

I want a job that's something I'd enjoy doing for free. I want the money to pay back the financial aid I owe to regain eligibility, so I can finish my degrees. Yes, I said plural. My Bachelors in Communications with minors in Business and African American Studies at Ohio State University, and my Associates in Interactive Multimedia Technology at Columbus State Community College. Hell, I want my child support arrears!!! That'd change everything around. I want some stability with work and a job that's not stressful. I want to be able to save and invest, and ability to support my mother in her retirement so she can just relax. I want to open a bookstore with a laundrymat and cybercafe, with open mic and live jazz nites. I have plans for a street marketing company as well. I want to work for myself and reap the harvest of my labors.

I want to write and publish volumes of poetry, the story of my life, and my pastor's biography. Get back on my game spiritually, and let His anointing flow everywhere it's supposed to... I want to flow in the Spirit the way I was before the marriage broke mine. After 9 months, I finally got back to my normal self, except for spiritually. I know God is waiting... and my spirit is stirring. I'm still not really ready, but the day isn't far off that I'll reach and grope for the walk I had before. There's no testimony without tests and trials, no harvest without sowing. The safest place to be in the world is in God's Will... it's high time I got back there.

Lastly, I want to be in love and loved the same. I want to be equally yoked, cherished, and for him to be my best friend. I want creativity, mental intimacy, and laughter. Someone who sees me, has common goals and interests, and a lot of integrity. I want him to be protective, but allow me my space at the same time. I hate being smothered, coz normally... that's a trust issue. My word has always been my bond. I want him to have a love and thirst for God, able to speak a word in due season, without leaving a person feel judged or smacked down. That's a gift, but one that I possess, and our steez's should compliment each other, yanno. Lol... and I admit it... I want some sessy lips, pretty eyes, and sessy arms in a chocolate package. What???!!

Yanno, I don't think I'm askin for the world. Matter of fact, I haven't been asking at all. And maybe, therein lies the conflict...